Shoots and Ladders

“Men and women can’t be just friends.” How many times have you heard that before? Well its true. Yes woman can be friends with men, but men are unable to have that ability due to their high testosterone and reoccurring thoughts about sex. The first thing a man thinks when he looks at a woman isn’t “oh she looks like a nice girl” it’s “how attractive do i find her?”  Guys WILL have sex with anything, but that doesn’t mean they actually do. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of guys who bang anything that walks just to make themselves feel better. They don’t do it because they think they are hot shit, they do it because they think they aren’t worthy and just want to find comfort. It’s a huge ego boost for a guy when they get laid, period. A lot of times guys don’t have sex because of their insecurities. Maybe they aren’t as experienced and don’t want to suck. Girls, don’t take it personally if a guy wants to slow down a hook up. Take it as a compliment that they want to do you justice. It isn’t you so don’t feel rejected, he wouldn’t be hooking up with you in the first place if he didn’t want too. Thats a key statement to remember so let me repeat it again: he wouldn’t be hooking up with you in the first place if he didn’t want too. Just because you have clothes on, he still has an idea what you look like naked. (The guy is picturing you naked 98% of the time anyways). So when it comes time to rip off each others shirts and bare all don’t hold back. The least sexy thing you can do is try and criss cross your legs, fold your arms, and hide under the covers. Guys may have their short bus moments, but they aren’t blind to an insecure girl. Most women show their insecurities during a hook up and men show it before. There is something about getting rejected during a hook up that makes us scared and vulnerable but for a guy its a fear of getting rejected before you hook up. He figures once you’re going at it, he’s golden. If you don’t find yourself getting to any bases with the boy you want check 2 things: 1-are you giving him enough cues for the go ahead and 2-is he actually into me or am i creating something that isn’t there? You don’t want to be so open that he knows you completely want him on top of you because wheres the chase in that? If you are that girl that is flinging herself all over some guy and hear people laughing, they are laughing at the guys face of “What the F is she doing?”. Dumb bimbo left about 5 seasons ago along with the baggy jeans from clueless. What people aren’t laughing at is the girl who is on the other side of the room staring at the guy getting the lap dance with her back slightly turned to him yet her eyes saying, “I want you”. Don’t act like you can’t picture that scenario right now because I am guessing you have been either one or both of these girls. Tip: If you are giving him the lap dance that isn’t in the privacy of your own room after he took you on a romantic evening and you’re giving him a nice thank you, then im going with you should look into check point 2.

Body language, that is the key. A little giggle with a touch on his arm or thigh, when you talk to him look with this “I want you” gaze but the key with that is the lean. Where you position your body says a lot. Leaning in gives them the cue you are interested in them, but the lean back shows the stand off side to you. If you’re sitting with him put half of your body in the conversation. Usually this is a sign you aren’t invested in him, but if you angle your head back slightly and look at him and give a few touches to your hair, you are sending mix messages. GOOD JOB. This is one way to intrigue a man. The idea is to make him think “does she or doesn’t she want me, I can’t tell”. Touching your hair is a huge indicator of your comfort level. I’m not saying men are thinking to themselves, “she touched her split ends and pulled her hair behind her and away, she feels insecure.” I am saying what you do with your body is an overall expression to someone. It’s just a natural give away because it’s seen by almost every person walking down the street. So please girls don’t be pulling at your ends and have your hands in your hair 24/7. It’s not sexy. You look like the insecure Josy Grosy compared to a simple hair flip that can remind him of Pamela Anderson’s Bay Watch days. Now this is where your check 1 comes in to play. After time passes and he still hasn’t made a move give him one loud I WANT YOU sign. If he doesn’t take it he is a chicken. You did nothing wrong, if anything you made him want you even more. You’re leaving dissatisfied and he’s leaving pissed at himself. Better luck next time. The check 2 part is are you giving him signs but he is being stand off to you? When you look at him is he looking around the room to try and find the closest exit? When you talk to him is he not facing you, but rather one shoulder in and one shoulder out (not in that little boy insecure way)? In the conversation, are you the one having to do all the talking because his english vocabulary has seem to disperse to “mhm”, “ya”, and “nah”. Fyi he’s not that into you and would probably like you to go away right now. This does not mean he wouldn’t hook up with you. That’s where The Ladder Theory comes in to play.

The Ladder Theory. A man has one ladder. At the top are the people they really want, the ones who might even be out of their league. Of course those are at the top for two reasons, 1- the physical attraction, and 2- that chase of always wanting that person they think they can never have. Then go down a bit and there are the women these men like. An actual emotional connection. Moving further down the ladder we hit the point of women these men would just have sex with. The hit it and quit its if you must. These women are worthy enough to be used soberly and talked about with friends. Congrats, because if a guy will admit to his friends he slept with you then you aren’t too low on the ladder. He’s proud of you and holds you like a trophy. Most guys do not do that, aka douche bags. Be ready we’re walking down into booty call area. Next to come are the women guys have sex with only if intoxicated. They either keep you a secret, or admit to it months later on a drunken night when him and his friends are sitting around their X Box talking about random girls they boned. Almost at the bottom, but not quite are the undergrounds. These are the girls the guys keep secret. He doesn’t want anyone to know, sneaks the girl in and out of a place, and denies anything ever happened if caught. And clinging to the bottom are the girls the guy finds “coyote ugly”. If you have seen that movie you understand, if not, a basic explanation is he finds the woman so unappealing he rather chew his own arm off then touch her. That is a mans ladder. No where on there is the “just friends” area. The attractive factor is always there and when that meter is there any “just friend” expectation goes out the window. For the woman though, she has two ladders. One ladder is the friend ladder. This is where she places a guy she won’t have intimate relations with. The other ladder is very simple, the I Want You Ladder. As she goes a long meeting different guys she first chooses which ladder they belong on, and if it is the I Want You Ladder the gentleman are placed above or below other guys already on there. No only want you when I’m drunk, keeping you a secret, or I love you. The men aren’t categorized into groups, just listed in an order and depending on your level of toxicity, confidence you are feeling, or who is responding to your call makes the picker of where you put them. Why men think women are so complicated is the fact we aren’t very good at showing which ladder we choose them to be on. Of course guys will feel vulnerable, we do it them! I want you to picture between the two ladders a huge gap of abyss. This is where the problem arises for guys. It’s called Ladder Leaping. Girls even if you treat a guy like a friend, most of the time he doesn’t realize you’re just treating him like a friend. Or other times he does see you just like him as a friend but wants more so what does he do? He goes for it. The man is trying to leap across the abyss to the I Want You Ladder. I don’t know about you but I haven’t heard many stories about people making it. There are a few cases I won’t deny it but those are the special ones. So here we go, we have the friend deciding to go for it, and he either leans in for a kiss, tells you he likes you, asks you out, what ever. We either let him on the other ladder or let him fall into abyss with a gold ole heaping of “I’m sorry I just see you as a friend.” Whether he sticks around is up to him but don’t feel bad. You were honest and now probably enticed him even more. He might disappear for a bit to sit in shame and self embarrassment, but come back as if it didn’t happen. A- because you just became even more of a chase for him or B- he still likes you and thinks maybe another time he’ll try it in the future and see what happens. We’ve all been there. We’ve gone for that guy who told us he just wants to be friends or doesn’t see us that way to only stick around hoping he would change his mind. My point is don’t feel bad if he Ladder Leaps. As long as you’re honest its not up to you what actions he decides to take after this. You may be thinking to yourself, “but I don’t want to hurt him.” Its not up to you loves. He is the one putting himself in a situation he just failed at, the fact he wants to keep testing the waters is his business. You just keep doing your thing. My point to all this is that men and women just can’t be “just friends”.

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