When the Past Becomes Your Present

Last night I watched the movie, ‘What’s Your Number?’. If you haven’t seen it yet, I definitely recommend watching. Anna Farris plays up the part of a girl searching out all her ex boyfriends to see if she can re-spark a flame. It got me thinking how many of us really do that? I’d like to think we can group these people into categories. One, the people who go on facebook and stalk anyone they have ever hooked up with. Two, the people who stalk their exe’s facebook and then contact them “just to say hi”. And third, the people who go out of their way to meet them seeing if that old flame is still there. Usually the hope for that is a passionate quickie endeavor. Who isn’t interested in the thought of are they single now, are they married, are they fat, did they randomly turn into a goth or join a colt?

I recently met up with a guy i dated for a while. Ever have those relationships where you’re just like, “what the F*^% was that?” I never knew if he liked me, our conversations were just horrible, and i always was calling him a douchelord. The gift I got out of this is that I was completely my authentic self. I didn’t care about what I said, or what I did. We aren’t together nor was I looking for anything.

Dating 101:

Lets back up to when we first meet a guy. We become this girl we think they want. If they aren’t looking for a relationship we become that girl who “just wants to have fun”. If they like a girl who is edgy and and spontaneous next thing we know we’re acting like this unstoppable bitch who wants to bungee jump just to turn him on. We ask them who their favorite actress is or what type of girl they like… we die our hair and watch every movie that actress is in. We try and become this fantasy instead of being from our own reality. For example, Anna Farris’ character sees her ex bf Simon, who was English and sure enough their whole relationship she faked an English accent. Totally relatable? Every text that is sent out, every word that is written or spoken, we over analyze. And guys think we’re crazy? I wonder why. Dating is suppose to be fun, but when we say dating sucks it is because we make ourselves crazy. Someone once told me, “you’re more then welcome to be crazy, but only on your own time.”

Think of the quote, “never let him see you sweat.” Guys’ biggest turn on is a girls confidence. So act confident. Thats all. Go ahead and cry to your girlfriends about the bullshit in your head that isn’t true at the time. In 3,6,9, how ever many months when you’re finally over him, none of the time you wasted over-thinking everything was worth it. And you’ll see that, which leads me to the meeting up with an ex. You don’t care what you say or how you act because you don’t need to impress him. You guys have already broken up. Don’t get me wrong, dress up in your sexiest outfit, do up your hair and make up, we are women still. But whether he hugs you and says, “hi” or “hey” won’t make your head spin. And if he says five word answers and not paragraph long responses you won’t think, “omg he’s not interested in me.” Heres some advice. When you answer a question about your life the first thing out of your mouth shouldn’t be something to try and make him jealous, like how amazing your new imaginary guy is. It should be a simple, “life is good”. Trying to over compensate turns them off as much as we don’t like to hear a guy try to prove the size of his dick by what verbally comes out of his mouth. You always want to make a guy think. If you don’t tell him much he will be more envious and intrigued by the mystery he is given to come up with in his own head then what’s laid out on the table in front of him.

To end with the point of my experience is that I could be myself with this guy. I didn’t second guess everything. We actually talked about how messed up our dating each other was. Ladies, hearing a guy admit his faults, if that doesn’t bring a smile to your face i don’t know what will. This doesn’t mean I want to pursue things with him by any means. It just was a way to get some closure, and turn the tables a bit. It’s nice sometimes to look back and laugh at the delusions we create in our mind. A chance to learn from our mistakes. Especially if you’re taking the dating advice in this blog. All I am saying is when you’re able to totally be yourself with a guy you date and not have to question every little thing, maybe you should pause and think, “wow, now this feels good, maybe being with someone should be more like this”.

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