Wing Me

“Come be my wing girl for the night!”. I get that text, phone call, and email too many times that i can count. But what does that really mean? Urban Dictionary defines it as, “Similar to the word wing man, but is a girl. A wing girl is a girl who helps out a guy/girl friend to meet other people of the opposite sex, someone who proves as an ice breaker.” I define it as, “a badass friend who wants to help hook you up with someone.” There is an art form to being a wing girl. You don’t want to step on your friends toes, come off as interested in the guy you are trying to set your friend up with, or be too obvious. Guys don’t like things handed at their feet. They do like their ego fed though. Your job is to be the mystery girl, the secret agent, that girl who knows how to be one of the guys. A major rule to always remember, never out your friend. By that I mean don’t go up to the guy and say, “hey, see that girl there, she wants you and thinks you are hot.”. That would be a big fail. My second grade teacher used to say, “words are like toothpaste, once its out there’s no putting it back in.” She said I’d always remember that and apparently I have. 

 Who you hang with shows a lot about your character. Having “that girl”, and by “that girl” I mean the extremely sloppy drunk who’s vocabulary sounds like a game of word scramble, be the one to hook you up with the guy at the end of the bar is a bad idea. Having that friend who comes off as the cool girl able to talk up a conversation with any one is the one you want. The wing girl is the make or break it part to the beginning of a fun filled night romance. I made a list of rules to go by to keep it simple. Think of it as Winging for Dummies. 

 5 Rules of Winging:

 1. When talking to a boy for your friend, only approach him when your friend leaves the area.

 2. The best time to catch him is alone, otherwise when he is with a small group.

 3. Start up your conversation with the words, “this is probably extremely random”, “im sorry to bother you”. or “can i ask you a question?”

 4. Find out information on him (such as where he is from, where he works, how old he is, if he is single etc.) before you throw out to him the fact that your friend finds him intriguing.

 *Note* Please do not sound like a check list. Keep it natural.

 5. Words you use have meaning. Boys get scared off way to easily, mainly by avoidable things. Using words such as cute, like, hot, wants, etc. are example of the big bad scary vocabulary. What you want are “thinking” words. These are the words that make boys question what that means exactly, like a back handed compliment. The “thinking” words are more along the lines of intriguing, interesting, curious, etc. 

What not to say: “My friend wants you and thinks you’re cute.”

What to say: “My friend and I found you intriguing so I thought I’d come over.”

What not to say: “This girl I’m with is totally single and wants you.”

What to say: “My friend doesn’t know I’m coming to talk to you, but you looked interesting and her type so I wanted to come introduce myself.”

See how you can turn it from obvious to enticing? Make sure you don’t stay too long talking to him. He could be that guy that gets annoyed easily and you don’t want to be a nag. Especially when alcohol is involved. Wait till you see your friend enter back in the room, tell him it was nice to meet him, offer him and his friends to join you, and walk away. I repeat, offer him and his friends to come join you. Go over to your group of girls, don’t talk to your friend right away because you know that the guy is going to be looking over and checking her out to see if he is even interested. Wait a good 2-3 minutes then start to talk to her. The vibe you give off when you talk is important so make it look like you’re talking about something as natural as sports. Keep in mind, you told him your friend doesn’t know you came over to talk to him. All he knows is the conversation you two had could be a secret. Men have this natural structure in their brain that any time they have to question something its a turn on. Wait to see if him and his friends come over. If they do, you’re in. If not wait for the next round of cuties to enter and repeat. Remember, romance is just a game, its all about how well you play it.

Pick Me Up

Ever have those moments when you walk in to a room and you want every guy in there to run over and just say, “Hey.. I want you!”? Well ladies, the thing is most of them think that, but they just don’t do it. My goal for this post is to make a brief clear statement of how to make that happen… to a degree.

“Come Hither Look”:
I like to think of this as a classier version of the eye F#@%. Please do not drool and look like you are stalking the poor gentleman just trying to order a Stella. The goal is to catch his eye a few times. You want him to know you are intrigued and definitely looking at him with out making it awkward. Then ignore him for as long as possible without bordering on the timeline of closing hour for the location you’re at.

“Pick Up Line”:
This is your time to play the cutesy girl next door with a hint of bimbo. I give you three options to ask. One, “I’m so sorry to bother you but you look so familiar. Do you work at ____ (fill in blank)?” Two, “This may sound extremely random, but is your name ____ (fill in blank)?” And third, “Can I ask you a question? Do you live around here because I’m looking for the nearest ____ (fill in the blank)?” When you ask these questons come off as you are not interested in him. You are merely asking a simple question that anyone in the room would know. Continue the conversation based off which line you use for a few more sentences. Never let him ask you a question. If he does, answer his question with a question. For example, if you are asked, “are you from around here?” or “did you grow up in ___ ?” you can respond with, “why? does it seem like I am not from here?” Please refrain from any cold monotone. The key is to throw him off with your sexy intrigue not turn him off by your bitchiness. After a good five minutes or so, walk away. Enjoy your evening with your girlfriends. Chat up a few guys. And wait for him to come back to you. It’ll happen, I promise. Just never give him a cold shoulder.

Phone Number Slip:
The dreadful handing out of phone numbers. Simple, if he asks for yours, turn it on him. “Why don’t you give me your number and I’ll text mine over to you.” DO NOT text him your digits. When he tells you he didn’t get it use the “no service” excuse. “It will go through when I get service outside.” I know you’re smart so just come up with some lie verbage. If he doesn’t ask for your number but he has seemed interested in you, ask for his number. Most likely he is nervous that you aren’t that into him because you’re coming off as hard to get (right?) so he just doesn’t want to be rejected. If anything he will be turned on by the fact you are so ballsy as to ask for his digits. The test with this is to know if the guy is interested in you or not. If you do get his number use the FOUR day rule. Yes, we have all heard about the three day rule because we all sit and waited by our phone on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday to hear from the guy we met over the weekend. We are sneakier then that ladies. We use four days to throw off his own guy code rule. How much more shocking is it to receive contact from someone after we have given up the thought that we had a chance? When ever we need to make a move, put the thought behind it, “how would i feel?”. Sometimes when we put ourselves in their position it gives us a clearer view of what steps we need to take.

Three tools to know if he is down for you: body language, conversation, and outside influences. If he has his body turned towards you and not away it is a sign he is open to you. If he is leaning into you instead of pulling away it shows he is intrigued and wants more. When the conversation is a lot of him talking, even maybe a bit of rambling, it comes off as nerves. We all know what that sounds like. Him nervous is good. When he distances himself from his friends to continue to be around you thats a great sign. Tip for that, tell him you don’t want to keep him from his friends. It gives him a free out if he needs out, shows you aren’t a clingy girl that wants all the attention, and tests his interest level in you. If he leaves, well, the answer to that should be clear enough. 

That pretty much sums up the female art of being picked up by a guy. So take that desire to be mobbed in a place by hot guys into action. Doll up, grab your wing-girls, and go play. Boys aren’t the only players out there.

When the Past Becomes Your Present

Last night I watched the movie, ‘What’s Your Number?’. If you haven’t seen it yet, I definitely recommend watching. Anna Farris plays up the part of a girl searching out all her ex boyfriends to see if she can re-spark a flame. It got me thinking how many of us really do that? I’d like to think we can group these people into categories. One, the people who go on facebook and stalk anyone they have ever hooked up with. Two, the people who stalk their exe’s facebook and then contact them “just to say hi”. And third, the people who go out of their way to meet them seeing if that old flame is still there. Usually the hope for that is a passionate quickie endeavor. Who isn’t interested in the thought of are they single now, are they married, are they fat, did they randomly turn into a goth or join a colt?

I recently met up with a guy i dated for a while. Ever have those relationships where you’re just like, “what the F*^% was that?” I never knew if he liked me, our conversations were just horrible, and i always was calling him a douchelord. The gift I got out of this is that I was completely my authentic self. I didn’t care about what I said, or what I did. We aren’t together nor was I looking for anything.

Dating 101:

Lets back up to when we first meet a guy. We become this girl we think they want. If they aren’t looking for a relationship we become that girl who “just wants to have fun”. If they like a girl who is edgy and and spontaneous next thing we know we’re acting like this unstoppable bitch who wants to bungee jump just to turn him on. We ask them who their favorite actress is or what type of girl they like… we die our hair and watch every movie that actress is in. We try and become this fantasy instead of being from our own reality. For example, Anna Farris’ character sees her ex bf Simon, who was English and sure enough their whole relationship she faked an English accent. Totally relatable? Every text that is sent out, every word that is written or spoken, we over analyze. And guys think we’re crazy? I wonder why. Dating is suppose to be fun, but when we say dating sucks it is because we make ourselves crazy. Someone once told me, “you’re more then welcome to be crazy, but only on your own time.”

Think of the quote, “never let him see you sweat.” Guys’ biggest turn on is a girls confidence. So act confident. Thats all. Go ahead and cry to your girlfriends about the bullshit in your head that isn’t true at the time. In 3,6,9, how ever many months when you’re finally over him, none of the time you wasted over-thinking everything was worth it. And you’ll see that, which leads me to the meeting up with an ex. You don’t care what you say or how you act because you don’t need to impress him. You guys have already broken up. Don’t get me wrong, dress up in your sexiest outfit, do up your hair and make up, we are women still. But whether he hugs you and says, “hi” or “hey” won’t make your head spin. And if he says five word answers and not paragraph long responses you won’t think, “omg he’s not interested in me.” Heres some advice. When you answer a question about your life the first thing out of your mouth shouldn’t be something to try and make him jealous, like how amazing your new imaginary guy is. It should be a simple, “life is good”. Trying to over compensate turns them off as much as we don’t like to hear a guy try to prove the size of his dick by what verbally comes out of his mouth. You always want to make a guy think. If you don’t tell him much he will be more envious and intrigued by the mystery he is given to come up with in his own head then what’s laid out on the table in front of him.

To end with the point of my experience is that I could be myself with this guy. I didn’t second guess everything. We actually talked about how messed up our dating each other was. Ladies, hearing a guy admit his faults, if that doesn’t bring a smile to your face i don’t know what will. This doesn’t mean I want to pursue things with him by any means. It just was a way to get some closure, and turn the tables a bit. It’s nice sometimes to look back and laugh at the delusions we create in our mind. A chance to learn from our mistakes. Especially if you’re taking the dating advice in this blog. All I am saying is when you’re able to totally be yourself with a guy you date and not have to question every little thing, maybe you should pause and think, “wow, now this feels good, maybe being with someone should be more like this”.