Bend and Snap Circa 2011

Hello Ladies and few Gentleman. I am back with a fresh post on the art of picking up. Why? Because in recent events it has come up a lot. I have seen girls throwing themselves at guys, playing too hard to get, and just simply not putting yourself out there. The way to score a perfect pick up is to put all that into one in equal parts.

This post’s title is due to the fact that Ms. Elle Woods made the Bend and Snap legendary as her pick up tool. Look at the woman who won the fed ex driver, I mean come on. All it took was a simple attention grabber. Now a days throwing a pencil on the ground and bending over like you have dollar bills coming out of your g string isn’t what it used to be. Sure, you will receive attention, but not the kind you want (unless gross creepers float your boat then knock your socks off). So scratch that out of your head and save it for a drunken movie night with your best friend or charades. What to come is a few different techniques that you can use depending on your level of ballsiness.

First off, figure out who your target is. When you see someone you are interested in giving a soft smile and flirty eye is that key that unlocks his testosterone. It is important to lock eyes for a maximum of two seconds. Any longer he is going to think you are extremely creepy. If he smiles back you’re in, if he looks away with that quick “im being nice” smile and ignores you, move on, or if he does not even lock in with you forget it. Depending on the courage these bravehearts have you will know whether or not you need to make the next move. Give it some time to see if he comes and talks to you. Most of the time it is a comment about something random like the drink you have in your hand, an article of clothing you are wearing, or my favorite (the cheesy) “Do you have the time?”. The cheesier the line they come up with the more they find you attractive. Some times its because they are too nervous to think of anything clever so they go with basic instinct, which is kind of endearing and sweet. It is a definite sign to give yourself some power in this situation. Although, cheesy is not always good ladies, it could mean you are talking to a total douche who used that same line on three other girls before you and got totally burned. But give him credit he had the balls to say something at least, that shows character.

Within the first 5 minutes you will know if it is going somewhere or not because once that buzzer goes off, if the conversation is still flowing you’re golden, if the awkward alarms are swooning its time to peace out from him. Little known fact, guys in general aren’t going to waste their time talking to you if they don’t find you attractive or think you’re cool. If you’re that girl who can’t take a hint that a guy isn’t into you here are some clear signs. He is giving you short word answers, won’t look at you at all because he is looking for an escape route, and tries to walk away within the first thirty seconds. That is why catching his eye is such an important first step, so you don’t have put yourself through that embarrassment.

Lets say he doesn’t come over and talk to you, if you still see him after a while go ahead and start a conversation with him. When you are talking to him there are many things to remember in the first meet. Here is one of the biggest mistakes people make, the first sentence should not be hello, hi, hola, or sup sexy. Start with a statement like, “My friends were wondering where you got your shirt from. She wants to get it for her boyfriends’ birthday.” Starting with something that isn’t as cheesy as “I love your shirt, where’d you get it” puts you out of the position of you complimenting him. Instead your friends did making him unsure about how you feel he looks. It is a way to make a man feel insecure with out hurting him. The first sentence out of your mouth should be a conversation starter that has room to grow. Another option is the simple, “You look so familiar, I feel like I know you from somewhere.” It is a great lead into small talk because you can continue on with where they are from, how long they have been here, etc. If it works out later on go ahead and tell him you lied, he’ll probably find you 10 times cuter that you made something up just to talk to him.

Asking a guy questions is important, you don’t want to make him do all the work. Their brain has one straight line with a few speed bumps on how to talk to girls. Their natural instinct is, “I have to ask her about herself because that way she will think I am interested in her.”. That can go two ways. It can be a sign that he could be really into you. When you find him stuttering and looking down to try and figure out what to ask you next it is because he is nervous. Good job you make a guy nervous, you probably have a thousand times before and never knew it. When the guy is asking you questions and talking to you as if he is reading a screen monitor behind your head his goal is to try and hook you and lay you. That’s it. He prepared his script for the night and now using it on you. Guys always like being asked questions rather then feeling they have to try and find out all about you when they honestly don’t give a shit. Why would they care? They don’t even know if they emotionally like you yet. We know they are physically attracted to you. That is the small opening of a door that leads to the emotional feelings. When one person is doing the main talking (answering questions) that person is the most vulnerable. That person is the one having to talk about themselves, where as the person asking the questions isn’t quite in the hot seat. They have control over what you can talk about because of what they are asking you to share with them. That is underground power my friends. At about half way in to the conversation it is time to throw in your back handed compliment. These are statements that make him think to himself, “is that a good or bad thing?”. Some examples are “you really make me feel intelligent, especially when you talk”, “i’ve never seen a man chug so many drinks”, “your hair is really short/long”, and “i didn’t know they made shirts like that anymore”. Anything about his words, appearance, and actions are always golden to target. The more you practice the better you will get with it, get creative.

If you want to pick up a guy and he is with his group of friends, the first step doesn’t change. Catch his eyes, trust me, any guy in a group will be looking around for some female he can talk too. Do not let him come to you, wait, and then go to him. Walk over to his group as if to talk to him, but instead start talking to one of his friends. All different thoughts go through his head, “did I just get rejected?”, “did she just choose my friend over me?”, “I should have gone over to her.”. It will give the friends an ego boost because they think they were chosen before him, and make the guy jealous because you didnt communicate with him first. Once he realizes he still has a chance with you (since you engage him into the conversation) new thoughts come into his head, “this girl is really interesting, i can’t read her.”, and “my friends totally dig her, i got the approval.”. Getting in with the friends is key. He now feels a new level of comfort in the fact his friends like you, and a new sense of intrigue because he wants you and is not sure where he stands with you. Let’s say he is standing in a group that is not just all guys, there are other females. Use them to your advantage. A lot of women become extremely uncomfortable around other woman, and don’t hide it well either. Engage women to show you aren’t inferior to them. Guys see it more then you do. When walking up to your target and his lady friends, address one girl first and go with the most obvious choice of words, “I love your dress!”. When do we women ever shy away from a compliment like that? Flattery will take you far, just not with a guy. That will make you sound insecure and needy for his approval, two things he will run away from in a speedy manner. Once you become friends with the girls, then start to make your play on the guy. The goal is to get him one on one with you, it is possible. After some time talking in a group sitting, tell him to join you to a different spot such as inside or outside, the bar for some water, or a different section of the location you are at.

Body language is a key component. Never let him think you are in full engagement with him. Have your body facing half way to him with one shoulder always out. If it looks at any moment you are able to get up and walk away he is going to try and have you stay there. When he is speaking do two main things. One, look down or in an opposite direction as if you are not interested. Two, do a sexy eye gaze with pursed lips. The idea is to make it look as if you are listening intently, but really its the look you give right before he goes in for a kiss. He isn’t going to kiss you but because you look like that it’s his natural instinct so it makes him think about it. Think of America’s Next Top Model’s famous quote from Tyra Banks, “smeyezing”. It is important to execute both because they are representing two complete opposites of emotion. You don’t want him to think you are solely not interested or solely interested. Make the man’s thoughts go back and forth in his head like a ping pong tournament, “she’s interested, she’s not interested, she wants me, she doesn’t want me.”. Don’t play with your hair. A quick hair flip with a giggle, that is sexy, and that is all you need. Everyone now a days knows that how you touch your hair when engaging with someone is an indicator of your nervousness and uncomfortability level. Pulling your hair to the left and right with your hands, putting it behind your ears over and over again, and touching your split ends doesn’t make him want you. What it does is assure him that he is in charge right now, that he has you. If you are in a group dynamic put your entire body towards the person next to your target or two persons over. Completely ignore him and only focus in on his friend. The way to show you aren’t interested in the friend is by still using all the key components on Mr. Handsome, just your body won’t be facing him. When talking to his friends take a pause to look towards your man, thats the time to use your tools. Once you start to talk with him in the conversation open your shoulder up slightly so you aren’t completely closed off anymore.

It is all about radiating confidence. Even if you don’t have confidence, act as if. You may feel insecure, less worthy, and not attractive enough for this guy but your actions say different. That is key. The goal isn’t to make him think, “wow she is into me”, it’s to make him ask himself, “is she into me?”. Now, you may be thinking to yourself, “Confidence isn’t my problem, I am extremely confident!”. I am calling you the Regina George. If you don’t know who Regina George is go pop in the movie Mean Girls. Over confidence can be a huge problem with guys, almost the same as not confident enough. It can come off as cocky and bitchy. I am not saying that you are, but from a guys perspective that is what it looks like, plus high maintenace. You don’t need to make your presence known when you enter a room. Why would anyone want to go engage with that? For example, the over confident woman is loud, obnoxious, wants everyone to know she is there, and portrays herself that she knows she is hot shit (someone from VH1’s Rock of Love). While the simple confident girl walks in to a room with her head centered on her shoulders, and shows she can be herself with out needing the room to gaze upon her (think Natalie Portman). Guys look at the first girl and think, “she is extremely insecure and acting.”, or “she definitely should not be that confident.”. Regina George, I am just asking you to tone it down and find a balance. I am sure you have guys falling for you left and right, but let me guess they turn out to be the douche bags with the cheesy cliche pick up lines? That is because the good guys are too scared to come over to you. All they see are you talking up a storm to all these different guys, flipping your hair around like a windmill, and having a high turn over rate of men buying you drinks. Even the attractive douche bags can be too scared to pursue you. Just because someone is attractive doesn’t mean they know it. That is how we get played by most guys. We feed off the fact someone finds us attractive and gives us attention because we don’t believe it ourselves. Instead we live for their approval of how we look, behave, and perform. You can’t blame a guy for using our weakness when we hand it over to them on a silver platter. Don’t get me wrong there are assholes out there who just are pure assholes, but there are guys we like to call “assholes” because it’s easier to do then admit we had any part in the scenario. You don’t want to get hurt? The answer isn’t to put a wall up, its to not tear down the one you have. Here’s an example of one of my wing girls who is the most insecure person I know. Ask any guy she has been with and that is the farthest thing they would put on a list about her. Why? Because she fakes it till she makes it, holds her own, and acts as if. When dealing with men she becomes an actress and takes on another character. She knows acting insecure and shy with a guy isn’t going to get her anywhere except alone, so she takes control and holds her own. Is she the loudest, sluttiest, most exuberant girl in the room? Absolutely not, because that is the kind of over confidence that turns a man off unless he wants to hit it in the bathroom stall and leave her there. The thing I love best about my friend which makes her such a professional is after she finds that guy and picks him up, she still holds on to that fake confidence she created for herself all through out her relationship with him from beginning to end. The result is most times the confidence turns from fake to real, but best part, it wasn’t him that gave it to her, she did it for herself. Girls can act as if when they first meet a guy, but once they get him to like them they become lost in that cloud of love dust falling over their face. Not giving in to a guy is the hardest part, trust me I know but having the underground power is rewarding for you and him. Why I say underground is to not let him pick up on the fact he’s being whipped and played. The first step in having power begins with the exchanging of phone numbers.

Once you have finished the conversation with your new gentleman, be the one to wrap it up. Think less is more. The conversation should not be lasting all night, let alone an hour. He needs to see you aren’t clingy, that you are an independent woman who wants to go back to having fun with your friends.That is why you keep it brief. In his mind he might even feel you had some consideration for him and wanted to let him go back to his night. If you encounter the guy trying to ask for your number first come back with a lie such as, “I’m suppose to get a new phone tomorrow so why don’t you give me yours?”. Don’t get too excited sometimes guys either ask you just to leave you and not be rude, or because they are genuinely interested. Having his number and him not yours puts him in the waiting position. Now he has to guess if and when you are going to contact him. If the guy doesn’t ask for your number first, go ahead and say, “I gotta get back to my friends, but give me your number.”. Notice how I made that a statement. I didn’t ask him for the number, I told him to give it to me. He is now in a position where he can’t say yes or no, but doesn’t even realize it. It usually goes straight over their head, that is a good thing. Sometimes a guy will try to rebuttal and ask for your number instead, don’t give in. Go back to the lie above or come up with something on your own. What you exactly say isn’t the most important, the way you say it is. The whole point is to not ask him a question when it comes to what you want, tell him. There are times a guy does not give in to giving you their number, that is when you go on your merry way and no number is exchanged. He is baffled in the fact that you really wouldn’t give in and by the end of the night you may end up getting grabbed and pulled away just for him to hand you his number. In other scenarios, he wasn’t that interested in you. Better to find out sooner then later. The only important thing to do after you get his number is continue on with your day or night, and catch his eyes and smile. Do it only a few times so he knows you weren’t just asking for his number and never going to call him again. Don’t do it too often that it seems you have a twitch. The point is to show you genuinely are interested and he sees that. There is no need to try and interact with him again until it is through a phone. If he starts coming over to you different story. A little interaction is okay, but brief, and then pull the oh so popular card “hard to get”. Ignore him, walk away, don’t let him come to you, and right before you plan to leave your location catch his attention one last time, give the best “smeyez” you have, and thats it ladies.